How to Survive an Outsiders Fanfiction
by SodapopXPonyboylover
Summary: Are you reading this fanfic while an Outsiders book is next to you?   Are you reading this fic while the Outsiders movie is playing in the background? Has anyone told you to stay gold recently?   If so, this fanfic might just save your life...
1. How do I know if I'm in an Outsiders fic

**Disclaimer – I do not own The Outsiders or How to Survive a Horror Movie. **

How To Survive an Outsiders Fanfiction – A guide by SodapopXPonyboylover

Are you reading this fanfiction while an Outsiders book is next to you?

Are you reading this fic while the Outsiders movie is playing in the background?

Has anyone told you to stay gold recently?

If so, you may be experiencing some flash forward's of what is going to happen to you. But what exactly is going to happen to you? Just read and find out…

…

**An Authors Note: **

**There's something I've been meaning to get off my chest. Something that's been eating away at my conscience for hours now. And I admit, it's not easy to write without getting a little choked up…**

…**I'm sorry. **

**I'm sorry for all the people who will be wasting minutes/hours/days of their lives reading this. But you must know this, for it is essential for surviving in a fanfiction. Please don't hate me for writing this – but I would know that it is absolutely necessary, being a victim of Fandomville myself. It's happened before, and it will happen again. **

**Its next victim is you…**

**Here's a guide to help y'all survive *gulp* an Outsiders fanfiction. **

…

Chapter 1: How do I know if I'm in an Outsiders fanfiction? 

Fanfiction's aren't made by people who want to help you and the characters in it. They are made to destroy every fiber of your being, and force you to witness things you would rather not have witnessed. How do you know if you've been sucked into Fandomville? Sometimes the signs are unmistakable. For instance, if you are walking downtown when suddenly everything around you changes and the girls who were wearing ripped up jeans are now wearing below-the-knee skirts (and in most cases have their hair curled in ringlets) and the dirty old house that most people think is haunted is now brand-new, you know that you've been sucked into a Fanfiction. But which one? How has this happened? Why did it happen to you?

Fanfictions vary from person to person, depending on the author. But before we get into that, let's cover the basics to make absolutely sure that you are, in fact, trapped in a fanfiction.

Determine how you came to read this guide. 

In fanfictions, things rarely happen without a reason. Therefore, the simple fact that you are now staring at your computer screen at a fanfiction called _How to Survive an Outsiders Fanfiction _means someone's probably trying to tell you something. (Not to mention the fact that it states very clearly that this is an Outsiders fanfiction guide) Think hard: How did you end up reading this fanfic-guide anyways?

"**I was just browsing through the different fanfictions on " **

There's still a chance this is just a coincidence, run while you still can! No, but really. If you have actually read this far, your chances of being stuck in an Outsiders fanfiction have just gone through the roof.

"**I was on Google/Bing/etc and stumbled across it online"**

Not good. Not good at all. Search engines (Bing and Google especially) can be a gateway to unthinkable fanfictions. Perhaps you were merely enticed at the awesomeness of the title and the fact that it is free to read this.

"**Someone told me to read it" **

Yikes! Someone telling you to read a fanfiction about getting sucked into another fanfiction? That's like giving Helen Keller a CD to listen to! "Oh, I just thought it was a good song Helen. I'm sure you'll like to listen to it."

"**I was sent from the future to destroy this fanfiction because it holds evil content" **

Heh…Heh…um, well. Maybe you should find another job – one that probably pays more.

Take a look around

The environment should offer some clues. If you are in the country-side, you are probably safe from gangs (for now). But if you're anywhere _near –_ and I mean _near_ – Tulsa or New York City, I suggest you run for your life. How the location looks and sounds can hold clues also:

**Does everything seem like it was made from a cheap film? **

This could indicate that you've traveled back in time and landed yourself in a fanfiction. Or you're just going nuts. Either way, it's not good.

**Does everything have a yellow/orangish tint to it? **

Are all of the houses and buildings especially bright even though the sky is covered in clouds? Does it seem like a bright light is shining in your eyes at all times?

**What is the setting like? **

Like I said before – countryside = okay. But Tulsa = pretty bad, and New York = instant death. Ask around, but don't make yourself known. Find out where you are.

**Is everyone around you giving you weird looks because of how you are dressed? **

Does it seem like the in-clothes you were wearing before suddenly seem out? If you are a girl, do you suddenly feel like wearing a really long skirt and unrevealing shirts? If you are a guy do you have the sudden urge to get something other than skinny jeans? Or get the hell out of your labeled shirt?

**Are there lots of different looking people throwing death-glares at each other? **

Have you seen jocks and Madras-wearers surround a guy with greasy hair lately? Did the guy with greasy hair pull out a blade? Are most girls wearing decent clothing while others look like they could be from your time? And are the girls that look like they could be from your time smoking and drinking? This is most definitely an Outsiders fanfiction if the above are true.

Take a look at yourself.

You are a guy. You are wearing skinny-jeans and sport long hair and maybe even have a skateboard. Are people starting to laugh at you because of how you're dressed? Are guys throwing hair-grease at you? Are girls giving you frightened looks?

You are a girl. You have your hair teased and have dark makeup on, you're wearing ripped up short-shorts and a revealing shirt. Maybe a cropped jacket. Are guys cat-calling you and are girls spitting on the ground you walk on?

If the following apply to you, you are most definitely in an Outsiders fanfiction. (Even if those descriptions look nothing like you)

Determine if you fit any of the following OC (or other characters):

"**A. The really hot girl who doesn't care what anybody thinks of her"**

"**B. The guy who has the monosyllabic first name" **

"**C. The sister who every greaser wants to date" **

"**D. The greaser who has nice clothes" **

"**E. The middle-class who stay away"**

"**F. The greaser/Soc who hates the other class" **

"**G. The greaser/Soc who hates FIGHTING the other class" **

"**H. The guy who shoves greasers into lockers" **

"**I. The teacher who is nice but loves to give detentions" **

"**J. The girl who hates the fighting between the greasers and Socs" **

"**K. The nerdy girl who inevitably falls in love with Sodapop Curtis" **

"**L. The slutty goth-chick" **

"**M. The typical Mary-Sue"**

"**N. The girl who's a greaser but dates a Soc"**

If any of these bear an uncanny resemblance to you (or a companion who was sucked into the vortex with you), you are most certainly in an Outsiders fanfiction. And unfortunately as an OC.

But before we panic, let's confirm the diagnostic!

Conduct the M.A.D test.

M.A.D stands for the words "Motivation and Dialogue," and it is one of the quickest, most accurate ways of confirming the presence of Fandomville.

**Motivation. **If you (or any of your unfortunate friends) feel strangely compelled to do any of the following, you're definitely in an Outsiders Fanfiction.

_Walk around the West Side of town in hand-me-down clothes. _

_Harass a greaser or innocent child. _

_Instead of paying for a movie, go under the fence and sneak in._

_Go to the Nightly-Double._

_Go to Buck's for a drink. _

_Scream "Greaser!" at someone. _

_Daydream and watch sunsets. _

_Get jumped. _

_Jump people. _

_Become the sister to one of the gang members or a mentioned Soc. _

_Meet the gang as two-year-olds. _

_Become totally bad-ass and kick any Soc or greaser's butts! _

_Smoke. _

**Dialogue. **Do you suddenly find yourself speaking in a weird way? Do you say things like 'Y'all' and 'you-aint-a'woofin" when you don't even know what it means? (For your information, it means you aren't crazy. Or something along those lines). Normally, you would say something like "Hey dude whatsup? Dude I want a smoke so bad, but there's a no smoking sign!" but now you're saying "Hey man, what's hangin? Man look at that sign, what bum would listen to that? Give me a cancer stick man."

Yeah. Oooh yeah. You're in an Outsiders fanfiction. Big time.

**Check your watch. **An average day is 24 hours long. In an Outsiders fanfiction 14 of those hours are nighttime. If it's almost always dark, and every single main character (including you) get's jumped, you landed yourself in an Outsiders fanfiction. But even more telling than the lopsided night/day ratios are the huge gaps in your personal space-time continuum.

If you find yourself asking, "How did I get here?" again and again, it's probably because the author of your fanfiction has a beta, and the beta took out all of the "boring" parts in your life. Like going to the bathroom, or getting yourself a glass of water, or taking a shower. (unless you're a guy with amazing abs and a gorgeous face.)

**There's chapter one on How to Survive an Outsiders fanfiction! Hope you enjoyed it, and hope it helped you. Please review and tell me if any of the above has happened to you. : ) **


	2. What type of fic am I in

Chapter 2: How do I know what type of Outsiders Fanfiction I'm in? 

You've used all of the diagnostic tools outlined in the last chapter, and you've arrived at the terrifying yet undeniable conclusion: Somehow, you've managed to become trapped in an Outsiders fanfiction. Now what? Just act all ladee-da about it and end up getting jumped? No siree bub. Saying "I'm in an Outsiders fanfiction" is kind of like saying "I'm in Europe." Sure, you've narrowed it down to a continent, but what language should you use to order your dinner? What side of the road should you drive on? Can you take off your top at the beach?

There are many genres (and subgenres) in the Outsiders fic universe – each requiring different survival skills. They can be broken down like this:

**Adventure **

**Angst **

**Crime **

**Drama**

**Family**

**Fantasy **

**Friendship **

**Horror**

**Hurt/Comfort**

**Mystery **

**Parody **

**Romance**

**Sci-Fi**

**Spiritual**

**Supernatural**

**Suspence**

**Tragedy **

**Western **

Now, let's break them down to their subgenre shall we?

**Adventure = crazy times ensue. **

**Angst = beware of sharp objects and voices in your head. **

**Crime = Well, it's an Outsiders fanfiction. What do you expect? **

**Drama = **_**Oooh the pain! The misery! I'm soooo dramatic! **_

**Family = Aw! A brotherly fic! **

**Fantasy = Yay, talking unicorns have invaded Tulsa!**

**Friendship = you may actually be allowed to associate with people in this fanfiction. **

**Horror = Zombies, Vampires, and just about every other myth is R-E-A-L. Or at least in this fanfiction. **

**Hurt/Comfort = Ponyboy usually gets raped in these (Don't ask me why! I don't know why!) Soo, just try to tell the gang somehow because he never will. **

**Mystery = I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it. IT'S A MYSTERY. **

**Parody = Basically a big joke. Beware – everyone acts like Two-Bit. **

**Romance = Put your perfume on, fix your hair, and pucker up them lips! **

**Sci-Fi = Aliens have been known to make appearances in these. **

**Spiritual = Ghosts have been known to float around in these. **

**Supernatural = Does this one really need explaining? **

**Suspence = What's that thing moving in the shadows over there? I can't really make out what it is…Hey where did it – AHHHHHH! **

**Tragedy = You're screwed. **

**Western = Hey y'all, where ye horse be at? **

This Fanfiction Guide is here to, well, guide you through each and every one of these genre/subgenres! Now it's time to pinpoint your location!

Gather clues from your fanfictions setting. 

You've already scanned your surroundings for the usual Outsiders fanfiction suspects. Now it's time to take a closer look. Your location can speak volumes about the movies genre, assuming you know how to read the tea leaves.

**A road trip! **If your big brother wants to take you and the gang camping, you're either in an adventure or horror fanfiction. Let's just hope it's not the latter.

**It's all dark and people are selling crack on the street corners. **You're most likely in an angst fanfiction, which is not good. I suggest you baby-proof your whole house including you and your friends. If voices are telling you to jump into the local park fountain and keep your head under the water, _do not do it! _They are just voices in your head because, let's face it, every single angst fanfiction has to have at least ONE person going crazy. But this can also signify crime (see, the people selling crack on street corners) and drama.

**Everyone is balling their eyes out and hugging each other. **Yikes! A little creepy but nothing to worry about, just a Family or Friendship fanfiction. It should be easy enough for you…unless it's a dreaded family/angst or family/tragedy or…just never mind.

**The sky is purple, green monkeys are on every street corner, and there are flying cars. **Okay, if this isn't a fantasy fanfiction, then you're just high on acid. Or worse. Which will leave you to conclude that you are in an angst fanfiction, since ANY angst fanfiction MUST HAVE someone on drugs. MUST.

**Weird things have been happening lately, such as people being drained of blood and people rising from the dead. **Horror. It's something to worry about, but we'll get to that later.

**Someone gets killed in war, someone gets raped, and someone has just gotten over their 'angst' stage. **This is most definitely a hurt/comfort fanfiction. Hey, as long as you're getting comforted, why worry about the 'hurt' part! Right?

**Everyone's keeping secrets…something is going on, I just don't know what! **Mystery, I would try to help you. But seeing as it's a mystery….it's kind of like ruining a surprise party you know what I mean?

**Everyone is saying "LOL" and people are eating each other, but it's okay because afterwards they get stuffed up someone's nose, turn into banana's and say hi. **I would hope that this is a parody. If not, the writer is EXTREMELY messed up.

**There's lots of music that sounds like it should be in a detective movie. And lots of hot broads! But the guys are only paying attention to one…**Romance fanfiction. I personally hate these, but if you're a flirt…

**Someone keeps screaming "IS IT THEM? IS IT THEM?" and weird tripods are coming out of the ground. **This would normally be considered a Sci-Fi fanfiction, but it sounds a lot like a cheap rip-off of _War of the Worlds._

Determine your fanfictions punctuation and grammar. 

If there are no errors at all…well that is just not good. People review when they see perfection, and reviews tend to make the author write another chapter. This is something you don't want. Three things to observe:

**Are there comma's where there shouldn't be? **Have you noticed that you're trying to say a sentence but have to keep pausing because of those damned comma's? Perhaps something like, "I'm really, (pause) trying to but, (pause) I can't finish this, (pause) sentence because, (pause) THERE ARE, (pause) TOO MANY, (pause) COMMA'S!" This is one thing that people tend not to notice, and if you keep having that feeling that you need to pause every two seconds, encourage this. If there are enough commas, people will notice. That means less feedback.

**Are there a lot of misspelled words? **Sometimes this can be a great thing! Let's just hope it's not when you're talking. For example: _Wow, I thoute, this is wondufal._ Great! No one notices in the fanfiction…but the reviewers do! _"Oh hye Ponypop, I mean boy, can you lpeh me?" _Now you sound like you're mentally retarded. Or like your tongue just got stung by a bee. I mean – you try pronouncing that!

**Are you using the wrong form of 'your' or hearing 'alot' in your thoughts instead of 'a lot'? **This is quite common, even I have made this mistake. But its price is deadly. People usually don't mind comma and misspelled words, but when things get this out of hand…well let's just say all the brainiachs in the world get together to review ONE BY ONE stating the errors - glasses falling off their noses and greasy hair touching the computer screen all the way! *shudders* Remember - You. Do. Not. Want. Reviews. Unless you're getting laid. Then you can have all the reviews you want, as long as it continues in the next chapter.

Determine your Fanfiction's POV.

The overwhelming majority of Outsider fanfictions exist in the first person, mainly because it gets emotions across more, and it gets a lot more reviews. But don't fret! Sometimes something goes wrong and people start complaining about the confusingness of switching from person to person…actually…do fret, because that means more reviews. They're flames, but reviews all the same.

**First person. **

Big no-no. Gets lots of reviews. The way you can tell if you are in first person or not is to test it out. Close your eyes, and imagine the imagery that the author is currently putting in. If it says, _and I looked around, scared outta my wits. _Then you know you are in first person.

**Second person. **

GoodGood! People usually tend to stay away from these, because it gives you a migraine after a while. I mean, they aren't ready for getting sucked into Fandomville yet. But you were forced to.

**Third person. **

If the story is written well enough, this can get lots of reviews. Don't encourage your writer! If it says, _And her hair was as pure as gold. _Say really loudly, "I HAVE BROWN HAIR YOU IDIOT!" this will confuse both the writer and the audience. The writer will delete the chapter because she/he's confused as to why they wrote that. You will go into the deleted chapters. Hide out there!

Look for dead giveaways. 

Sometimes it takes careful deduction to figure out a fanfictions genre. But sometimes, a clue is so obvious that it eliminates the need for further analysis. A few examples:

…**A man on a horse is waving around a rope in a perfect circle form. Genre: Western.**

…**You're in a normal everyday Outsiders fanfiction. Genre: Crime. **

…**People are walking around without heads. Genre: Horror**

…**You're in outer space. Genre: Sci-Fi**

…**Your best buddy who died a year ago is back from the dead. And not in a dream. Genre: Spiritual/Supernatural. **


	3. CRAVEN

Chapter 3: C.R.A.V.E.N (Cover, recon, arsenal, vehicle, escape, north) 

The time for the analysis is over. You've been sucked into Fandomville, and as much as you may feel like crying or getting some shut-eye for good, you'd better pull yourself together – and pretty soon. Because if you don't, the Socs are really going to give you something to cry about (since whenever you start off as an OC you're automatically middle-class or greaser). Your situation acquires immediate reaction, and the C.R.A.V.E.N. method was developed for just such an emergency. It's a kind of "stop, drop, and roll" for any Fandomville victims – a way to stay unbeaten/stabbed long enough to gather your courage and get out of the rumble you've just been transported to. So take a deep breath, stick to the letters, and step out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house. . .

C. Take cover!

Running around in a circle is the fastest way to make people stare at you. Do not give them the chance to see your face. Otherwise someone will come after you, and believe me it will happen. Whether it be because your best buddy caused their son's death or you're just a good-looking broad, DO NOT GET NOTICED. What you need right now is temporary headquarters – a place to wipe the grease from your hair, take a drag on the old cancer stick, and formulate your plan. Some of the best places to do that:

**Scary houses that no one will enter because it's haunted. **Once you are ABSOLUTELY certain that you are not in a horror, spiritual, supernatural, or tragedy fanfiction, you will be completely and 100% safe. Trust me, I've been through this. Go to the highest floor, check all the closets, look under the beds, and use whatever you can to barricade the doors and windows.

**Any ordinary gas station that is not labeled 'DX'. **I mean, come on? Who would even bother to go to a gas station that doesn't have ideal workers that are good with their hands and dramatically-extreme hot men to ogle at? Grab everything you can (don't mind the workers or manager there, they won't call the cops because they aren't main characters) and lock yourself in the backroom. (because there's always a backroom in Outsiders fanfictions in DX's…oh wait…that's DX's…)

**Churches. **While the power of Christ will compel all evil, it will also stop fangirls (you'll run into a couple) Mary-Sues (shiver at the name) and original characters that happen to be on your tail. And it's all because of Ponyboy and Johnny's embarrassment of what ALWAYS happens when they bring the guys to churches. Thank the lord for Sodapop, Stevie, and good ol' Two-Bit! Literally.

A word of warning: "Overbarricading" is a common fanfiction mistake. People get so focused on trying to keep everyone from getting in, they forget to leave a way for them to get out. For example, locking yourself in a bank volt might stop the screaming fangirls outside, but now what? Remember, the C.R.A.V.E.N. steps are strictly temporary – a way to stop smoking before the cancer settles in. Unless you're being pursued by Mary Sues, in which case you can just stay put till morning.

R. Conduct Reconnaissiance. 

Now that you've had a moment to catch your breath, it's time to get an idea of where everyone is and what they're up to. If you don't have the remoteness of a regular gas station or the guts for the old spook house, peak through the highest window in your hideout and take a look. Do you see fanfictioner(s)? Are they walking past you or looking at you? Are they slouching or acting like their shit doesn't stink? If you're being pursued by a group, are there areas where the rank is thin? Is there an unoccupied vehicle or busy road in sight? All of this information will help you choose the most promising escape route.

If you see nothing, they're probably right behind you. No, wait! Don't turn around; just pretend you're still reading this chapter. Nice and cool…that's it. Now on the count of three, cover your face with your hands, jump over the rail, out of the bell tower, or through the window. Either you jump or you die. Ready? One…two…just kidding. You're totally screwed. Unless you have a dagger on you (that's only if it's a real person though. Ghosts tend not to get affected by daggers)

Gather an Arsenal. 

You see a path to freedom – now all you have to do is run your way down it. Oh wait – you're not Ponyboy? Sorry. You're going to have to fight your way down it. Huh? You're not Darry? DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A HANG! Just get out of there for Pete's sake! Run, fight, dodge, stab at your own will. Just get out! But anyways, even if you're running, you're going to need some kind of weapon. If you're barricaded in the haunted house, look for an old baseball bat that Jimmy used, a rusty knife, or anything that the kids aren't allowed to play with indoors. Even a can of old oven cleaner is better than nothing! If you're holed up in a church, grab a heavy-duty candlestick or a collection plate, which can be thrown with deadly decapitating force. (Even though we aren't out to kill The Outsiders. Kapeesh?) And if you're in that gas station – grab a wrench, the cashier, the cash (lots of people are bribed with cash) and a few cokes. You don't want to get thirsty. Pepsi is out of the option, that's Ponyboy's favorite drink! Think! Use your head, you never use your head where it counts! You must use your head on the computer because you're writing fanfictions on it! But do you use your head for common sense? No siree bub.

V. Get that vehicle! 

You've summoned some courage, grabbed a weapon, and hopefully spotted a nearby unoccupied vehicle or busy road during your reconnaissiance – now it's time to kick a little ass. In a burst of adrenaline-fueled speed (don't think of Ponyboy…don't think of Ponyboy…) WHY ARE YOU THINKING OF PONYBOY? Just run! Oh, and use your weapon to stab, clobber, cut, or blind anyone in your way. Don't even think of calling a rumble, and don't get jumped. Your goal – your only goal – is to reach the nearest car or truck (go for the classy ones, they aren't classic in the 60's) and man it.

But wait! There's a catch!

Of course someone isn't just going to leave a beauty like that '67 chevy impala sitting there right? Run to the DX station if you aren't already in a gas station, and FIND STEVE. Soda never works on cars in fanfictions, he's always flirting with girls and literally getting raped by them. So he'll be out of the way. Once you find Steve, sneak up behind him. He won't hear you until it's too late, and throw that mighty punch that Superman – I mean Darry – would be proud of. Steve will fall to the ground unconscious, but not before he lets out a yell! Now, the car he's working on convieniently has keys in it, and Steve had just got done fixing it so there aren't any problems with the car.

But…if that doesn't work…

Well…

RUN TO THE PERSON THAT'S PARKED AND GETTING THEIR GAS CHANGED! Don't care who it is – even if it's your mom (it's a setup because your mom clearly isn't in 1967…unless she's a younger version, but who cares then right? Just don't get her killed, because then you'll ceast to exist, which doesn't usually happen in Outsiders fanfictions. But many people love _Back to the Future_, so they might mix them together and – oh never mind! Just get them out of the car, (make sure the gas pump isn't still in it) and drive faster than Ponyboy can run! Just don't hit him, because that's usually what happens. Oh, and don't kidnap him, because that just leads to a WHOLE different genre…

E. Make your escape. 

This is the easy part. Just bury the accelerator and don't look back. If you've just been picked up by that hot blonde, move close to her on that bench seat, stare into her eyes, and floor it.

N. Head North.

In Fandomville America, it's always better to be north of where you are. South Side Soc can go to hell, East and West are next to you, so North is the only safe passage. So put the car in "D," point the compass to "N," and get the "F" out of there.


End file.
